Ride bikes, be happy. The Re-Awakening of Why I Do What I Do

Ask yourself why. Why do you do what you do? Why do you ride bikes or adventure, explore and push your limits? Probably for similar reasons I do. And that is for the joy of it. I embraced mountain biking because it is a sport that is challenging, competitive, and evolving in ways that keep it exciting. For me, these elements are hard to resist. I struggle with them, but love to face them. Over my career, I have spent nearly every dollar I’ve made and many months, weeks, days, hours; and what the sport comes down to, seconds, racing and riding for the love of it.

As with so many things, we begin to feel the weight of what we do, all the elements that make it a job. Endless hours on the computer, sponsorship hunting, telephone calls, emailing, packing and unpacking and of course, the pressure to win. I have been an independent racer for 15 of my 17 years racing. That means every element of the season has been in my hands and my responsibility. Without perseverance, I wouldn't have raced for as long as I have. With that being said, the past few years of racing I have not been my usual self. Some of the fun began to drift away for me. It started at the Mont Sainte Anne World Championships in 2010. It started with the inability to justify why I was there. I asked myself, "What am I doing?" Everyone said to me it would be what my mother wanted, where she would want me to be. But the only place I wish I had been was there, with her. Nothing replaces that. 

World Championships took place two weeks after my mother, quite quickly, passed away in South Africa, thousands of miles from me. 

My mind was nowhere near a race mind. No matter how hard I tried to focus. I just watched the weekend go by, raced 4X as if I were watching someone else ride. I got up at 3am the morning of my mothers wake to take flowers to the waterways leading to the Atlantic. Maybe the mighty ocean currents would carry those symbols of love to her. At least in the currents of my mind, they drifted into her hands.

Losing our mother was an exhausting experience. And it made me question many things. I began to realize that I even resented my racing self for thinking racing at the World Championships was going to be a good reason not to go to South Africa. I’d do anything to change that now. 

Then in 2013, I raced Enduro at the Santa Cruz Bike Festival.

I loved it. I loved the energy I felt, the excitement of a new challenge. I found a reawakening of why I do what I do.

Since that first enduro, I have raced as many as possible, still as a privateer. I discovered not to take my racing self so seriously. I’ve spent more time recovering from injuries, and more time with my family and loved ones. That realization of balance has been positive for racing and I have had relative success in enduro. There have been big changes and small changes in my life, but one thing remains true. Any day that I can get on two wheels, feel the wind, sun, or rain on my face, be outside and one with the environment, is a day I know this IS where my mother would want me. 

Remember to embrace the beauty and challenges, find balance and slow down.
As cliche as it sounds, it is true,
life is too short.        

A BIG thank you to everyone.